AH, yes. Super Bowl week. that seven-day period when the hype reaches warp speed, when the media swarm descends on everyone from tackles and tailbacks to towel boys, ankle tapers and under assistant equipment managers.
It’s the only time when you’ll hear the complete life story of the back-up long snapper. Everybody’s fair game during Super Bowl week.
The steady drumbeat of analysis and adulation is followed by a game which, more often than not, becomes a yawn-inducing play-not-to-lose contest.
Go easy on the beer and bean dip. You might sleep through the whole thing.
For me, the real edge-of-seat excitement comes during the singing of the national anthem. will it be a moving tribute to the land of the free or an embarrassing flop by a performer whose marquee value exceeds his or her talent?
Just this past week, for example, we saw both extremes.
Before the Baltimore-New England game, the anthem was attempted by Steven Tyler, the legendary rock singer from Aerosmith. he sounded like a screech owl in heat.
Meaning no disrespect. Mr. Tyler made his name singing the likes of “Dude Looks Like a Lady” and “Janie’s Got a Gun.” Nobody ever mistook him for Pavarotti. Asking him to tackle “The Star-Spangled Banner,” a work that could bring an Irish tenor to tears, is an invitation to disaster. which is exactly what we got.
For a guy who judges talent on “American Idol,” he should know better and offer to recite the Pledge of Allegiance instead. Judge not lest ye be judged, as the good book says.
On the other side of the country, actress and Broadway performer Kristin Chenoweth offered a stirring and heartfelt version of the national anthem before the 49ers-Giants game while singing in the pouring rain. It was grace under pressure.
The next person or persons who hire Steven Tyler to sing the anthem should be arrested on charges of felony bad taste. because this is not his first foray into failure.
He famously butchered it in 2001 at the Indy 500, first by kicking it off with a blues harmonica solo, then forgetting some of the lyrics and concluding by changing “home of the brave” to “home of the Indianapolis 500.” I’m surprised he got out of town alive.
Later, an Indiana state legislator proposed a bill that would set specific “performance standards” for singing and playing “The Star-Spangled Banner” and fine those who fail to meet the standards.
So who started this whole free-form interpretation of the anthem? why are we subjected to versions that sound like they were conceived in a blues bar at 2 a.m.?
Do a little research on the Internet and the blame seems to fall squarely at the feet of popular singer/guitarist Jose Feliciano. His version before Game5 of the 1968 World Series between Detroit and St. Louis shocked the crowd. Worse, it started a trend.
It was the ’60s, after all, not a good time for traditionalism.
That begat Jimi Hendrix, who did an instrumental version in 1968 that actually got air play. which begat Marvin Gaye, whose soul version before the 1983 NBA All-Star game became popular.
Then, there were the lowlights.
Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis in 1993 performed a version that was so bad, he apologized in the middle of the song. Christina Aguilera’s version at a Super Bowl was pretentious and bizarre (“What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming.”) Michael Bolton forgot the lyrics halfway through his version even though he had them written on his hand. Kat DeLuna got booed out of Texas stadium after her rendition.
But the hands-down worst version ever was by Roseanne Barr before a San Diego Padres baseball game. after screeching and grunting through the song, she finished by grabbing her crotch and spitting as the boos rained down on her. Who in the world thought this would be a good idea?
(For the record, I listened and watched each and every one of these performances on YouTube. It was a four-aspirin experience.)
The gold standard is Whitney Houston’s flawless and mostly traditional anthem before the Super Bowl in 1991 that became so popular it was released as a single and made the Billboard Top 100. once you’ve heard it, you’ll want to enlist.
Next Sunday, the anthem will be sung by Kelly Clarkson, the “American Idol” winner who had a recent hit entitled “My Life would Suck Without You.”
Stay tuned.
Robert Rector is a former editor with the Pasadena Star-News and Los Angeles Times.
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